Is Your Son Or Daughter in The Driver Seat Day 2??
It can be very challenging to be a parent, especially if your kids are enrolled in the entitlement program. From the day you bring them home (Besides being nervous & tired) :) all you can think about is how cute and wonderful he or she is. And you begin down the road of what parenthood is going to look like, and what goals you have for them. But as you know if your not careful you can create a little monster.. Setting down rules and exercising the word no, is one of the first things you need to establish with your child. Around two years of age is a good benchmark to start this. Buying them things is great, and if you were a child that grew up with less then, I am sure you are more inclined~ to want your child to have everything you didn't have.
That being said; It is important to keep a healthy balance of love and giving material possessions to your child. The greatest gift you will ever give your child is unconditional love. As a parent, it is your job to love, feed, clothe, and shelter them. It isn't your job to spoil them so much that, they begin to feel as if you owe them . You can never give your child to much love, but you can give them to much (material possessions) where they begin to expect it. And the next thing you know you have enrolled them in the entitlement program! And created a child that is truly unable to be thankful and understand how the way real world works.
I am by no means suggesting that you don't buy your children nice things etc.. But I am suggesting that You don't get caught up into peasing them; because you would rather not hear them cry or deal with their major melt downs. Many parents are guilty of doing this at some point. (Don't feel bad, I too have done this.) Now that we have established that. (Keep your kids out of the E~ program.) Let's move onto the child/teenager that is already enrolled in the program and how to get them unenrolled.
First of all~ You will need to reframe your parenting. Be strong and firm.
The first word you will begin in this exercise; is the word NO! Can you do this? Now keep in mind, once you begin taking on this different role; Your Son or Daughter may react with a lot of resentment and anger towards this new found parenting. Why? They are not use to it. Change as you know, can be difficult at first and feel strange. Unwanted & Uncomfortable! But it's for their own good and yours too!
1) You will begin first taking inventory of all that they do have. ( Realizing they have more than enough.)
2) You will refrain from buying them anything; other than what they absolutely need. ( I suggest for at least 90 days} This will show them, You mean business!
3) You will begin to follow through with exercising the the word No on a regular basis.
4) Their threats go in one ear and out the other. You must ignore them.
5) You will now begin to let them have their melt downs and tantrums. Not giving into them! You will exercise patience and love like never before..
Let your Son or Daughter present a case to you. This opens up the lines of communication and it gets them thinking about their behavior and the "New implemented reward program"..
6) They will begin to plead their case to you; why they deserve to go somewhere or receive this gift from you..( Example~ Mom, Dad, I've been working really hard studying the last few weeks and got a "A" or I've been helping around the house more, and keeping my room clean etc..) Keep this in mind~ You can disagree , say No, and Not feel guilty.
You now have begun the ball rolling towards a healthier loving relationship with your child.
<<<<<<<<<Just to keep you on your toes!! >>>>>>>>
You must refrain from rewarding them for bad behavior..No matter how difficult the melt down.You are the parent!
Every time you do buy him or her something new~ make sure they go into their room and give something of theirs away. This will teach them to be a giving person. And it will help keep the clutter down to a minimum. It's what I like to call the exchange program. Make sure it is something of value that they like, and in good condition. Otherwise, it really isn't teaching them much. Why? Because~ it is very easy to give away something that means nothing to you.. Let your Son or Daughter know that they will be blessing another child/teenager by giving something of theirs away. Explain sharing & giving is expressing love and care for others who have less then them.
More coming next Monday!
Keep moving forward and share the love! <3
Moving Forward With You