Remember when they needed you for the most simplest things like holding their hand as they learn to walk and then later crossing the street as you take them to School; but never once letting them feel fear because you love them. Their your child ~ Your baby..
Your love is unconditional and as they begin to grow into their own skin, and develop a personality; you may begin to bump heads, and think is this really my child? All the things you taught them, from the manners you instilled in them, to the goals, and dreams you had for them. And now it looks like that isn't going to happen..
They seem to have a complete disregard and disconnect to You, and not doing anything you say or seem to have the goals that you talked about . They kick and scream so to speak, through everything ! Your beginning to think the terrible twos was a breeze.. And my friend, you are right!!
Does it really have to be this way? I say no and yes.. I say this because No is doesn't have to be 100% agonizing, but Yes it is going to be a bit painful as they begin finding out who they are. And pick and choose some characteristics from you and their peers etc..
( Which can be beneficial or not) Only you know this.
And you must let go of their hand now..
Well now that we have established the inevitable changes coming to your precious Son or Daughter, what to do about it? How do you respond to their roller coaster of emotions and bad choices? Why don't they see the value in what your telling them? I mean you were once a teenager too, right? They know this to be true, but they really don't have the means of grasping that reality, and what that means to them. And your not dealing with what their going through, and by no means can you possibly understand~ because your old and times have changed..
That is not true in your eyes, but to a certain degree it is. Society has pushed are kids into bad behaviors and its getting worse! And that being said, its your job to support them through these vastly fast changes, that come at them daily. You don't have to let them watch shows or listen to music that is disrespecting to parents, authority, that engages in a love for materialism, exploits women and young girls. That sex is meaningless. And love is something of the past! None of this is helping our kids and truthfully it's robbing them of true happiness and self worth.
Stop it now!!
Think about the good amount of time they are away from you at School, hanging out with their peers, and what a Huge influence this has on them. That being said, You need to stay involved ! So my advice is to monitor as much as you possibly can their intake of unhealthy music, television , internet surfing and friends. Talk to them..
One important key to remember is; the more you dislike someone, or something their doing; the more you may drive (Son/ Daughter) towards that direction. So be careful! I suggest trying to get to know their new friends. Invite them over for dinner, barbecue, etc.. And ask what they like about this new thing their doing. Get involved!!
"Rebel behavior" can take on many forms..
Rebel behavior can start at any age really. They feel a need to express this new found freedom, self discovery, don't need you, and know it all behavior. to some extent we have all been there.
One way to deal with this is; keep an open mind, and be their biggest supporter and cheerleader. How do you do this? By listening to them, and sharing your past mistakes.( Let them know ,that you too are human.) Letting them know you understand the need for self discovery and trial and error; Can and will bring you closer to them.
If they think your 'Super Woman" or "Super Man" ; they will feel fear to share even the littlest of truths with you. It's okay when they are little , but it's Not okay as then begin to grow and make mistakes of their own.
Open communication is key. Let them feel free to express anger, sadness and whatever else is going on in their lives, this includes a new boyfriend, girlfriend, sex. drinking, drugs etc.
Take a deep breath Mom and Dad, You will get through this!!!
You can Not treat them like; their in a court room setting and your the judge! (If you want them to be open with you.) Express your love for them first and then share your disappointment. Let them know that this behavior may have consequences, and would be much appreciated if they would not do it again. Make sure you don't come unglued! And Make sure you keep this a healthy interaction. Now give them a BIG hug, express how much you LOVE them and, appreciate their openness with you. Note this may happen again, but at least the lines of communication are open and trust has been established between the two of you. Don't over react this will make them pull back from you.
Note: That consequences should be an open discussion approach with them ( getting their input too) and also may not be necessary for their honesty with you .
PRAY~PRAY~ PRAY~ For Them & LOVE~ LOVE ~LOVE Them!!!
All this being said, Your going to take long walks to cool down, do yoga and think before you react and try to put yourself in their shoes. You may need to sit on it for a few days before you engage in any conversation. (This will benefit the both of you & help your blood from boiling) If your ready to pull your hair out or have been doing so for awhile~ Keep in mind that this to shall pass, and counseling is available for the both of you. And if your the worry type; Take on a new hobby or workout, this really will help you relieve some of your stress.
Need more help? Contact me~ I would love to help!
Moving Forward With You